Seventeen years ago, my friends gifted me a management-style report for my 30th birthday. It was the first time I reflected deeply on myself. Thank you Urs, Wolfi, Sam, Ivo, and Jörg!
The insights coach shared a transformative concept: focus on the impact of strengths rather than fixing weaknesses. Living with the "abandonment," "subjugation," and "unrelenting standards" dragons, I had always tried to fix what I saw as broken in me. This was new and eye-opening!
🔥 He revealed how people saw me: outgoing with a forceful style. However, this was a learned behavior from overcoming early life adversity. Inside, I was a deep thinker, an intellectual - not the confident, perfect persona I showed to the world. This contrast confused those who tried to know me.
🐉 I seemed like a sales lady, dominating and influencing, but I felt like a geek gopher in an exotic parrot outfit. I made quick connections and achieved success, yet felt rarely known or seen, often empty and sad despite my outward success.
My core attitudes were:
- Way higher than average:
- Aesthetic (art)
- Theoretical (love learning)
- Way lower than average:
- Utilitarian (less practical)
- Individualistic (I don’t need to be right)
🐲 Now, at 47, my attitudes are nearly the same. What has changed is how I present myself. My behaviors now align more with my true self. I'm a better listener, more authentic. I have become more differentiated. I stand in the back and empower from behind, only using my persuasive abilities at the last possible moment.
Behaviors can change; core personalities are pretty fixed, influenced by our multi-generational history, genetics, and early life experiences. Starting at your core and working outward gives you power. When people connect with the authentic you, they see reliability, integrity, and trustworthiness.
💚 Discovering Our Core:
1. Observe Behaviors: Identify both public and private actions.
2. Identify Convictions: Understand the beliefs driving these behaviors.
3. Uncover Values (Needs): Reflect on the values beneath your convictions.
4. Explore Personality: Dive into your fears, motivations, and drivers.
5. Find your core power!! 💪🏿🐲
🔥🔥🔥 In my last two posts this week, I’ve been teaching that understanding what’s beneath behaviors helps us grasp what motivates others.
❤️🔥 But remember, you can't change others - only yourself. By aligning your behaviors with the person you want to be, you make it easier for the world to support you, leading to a more fulfilling life. Focus on your strengths, these are deep in your core!
Let’s embark on this journey of self-discovery and live authentically. 💚🔥🐲
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